The author of the book “Do not work with m * daks” told how to recognize such people and how to communicate with them.
How to identify an asshole
If after communicating with a person you feel humiliated, tired, drenched in mud, you definitely have dealt with an asshole.
Although sometimes our feelings lead us astray. For example, we quickly stigmatize family and colleagues when they are simply assertive or set personal boundaries. . If the kids don’t rush to answer your questions about how their day at school went, that doesn’t mean they want to offend you. A real asshole humiliates and is rude on purpose.
In order not to be mistaken in your assessment, ask how others perceive the behavior of such a person. If their feelings coincide with yours, you are definitely an asshole. Just remember that there is a difference between someone who sometimes behaves this way and a professional asshole.
We are all assholes under certain conditions. Professional assholes insult people on a regular basis.If you feel like you’re surrounded by assholes, you may be the problem. If you treat people like dirt, they will respond in kind.
How to deal with assholes
It all depends on the specific situation. There are ordinary non-spiteful assholes. They interrupt, jump in line and comment on your every action. We’ll have to grit our teeth and be patient.
Sutton offers five strategies for communicating with them:
- Don’t take their words to heart.
- Promise yourself that you will find this person funny. Just keep the fun to yourself, it’s also part of the fun.
- Create physical or emotional distance. For example, if you are in the same meeting, sit as far away as possible. If a person annoys you on social media, unsubscribe.
- Tell yourself you are doing psychological research. Count the number of times your asshole interrupts someone or turns the conversation over to himself.
- Be extremely polite. Do not react or encourage his behavior in any way.
How to end a conversation
If you are faced with a cruel asshole who brings everyone around to a nervous breakdown, do not tolerate it.Consider if you can personally make a difference. For example, fire an employee who offends others. Or not invite a friend like that to parties.The Lifehacker Telegram channel contains only the best texts about technology, relationships, sports, cinema, finance and much more. Subscribe!
If there is nothing you can do yourself, team up with colleagues or friends. Ask how they perceive this person’s behavior. Surely many will be relieved that they were not the only ones who noticed this. Together, you will find a solution faster. For example, draw the attention of your superiors to the problem.